Almost there!

So, I finished my book on the bus this morning and then this afternoon I had some time to think. (Johnny says I read too fast, maybe that is my problem...) Anyway, I found myself thinking back a whole year and how I was in the hospital one year ago today. I think I was sufficiently drugged by now, but I remember crying and thinking how small she was and how this was NOT the plan. I remember thinking how there were so many things that could go wrong and how on earth were they going to deliver this tiny little being into the world. I remember thoroughly believing that I had let her down, that my body had betrayed her and now she was going to have to do it all on her own and how that didn't seem very fair and I was already an awful mother. I also remember the wonderful nurse that took care of me that night - Cynthia - who told me that in five years, I would be playing hide-and-go-seek with Myla, and she would hide under the dining room table (because they always hide there) and I could have a cup of hot chocolate and listen to her giggle for five minutes because she thought that I didn't know where she was. I remember holding on to that image with all my might as I struggled through that first night.

And now, as I look back over the past year and all the hurdles we had to jump and all the hills we had to climb, I don't think I would change a thing. OK, maybe a few small things. Lets face it, carrying around that oxygen tank was not a whole lot of fun. But how lucky am I? I have the happiest baby who loves to smile and chatter and sing us awake in the morning. She loves to stand and bounce and laugh when you are laughing. She is trying new things and learning something everyday. Today, she even ate carrots from a crock-pot stew that I just mashed up with a fork. She so big and so wonderful and has taught me so much about true unconditional love. I cannot wait to celebrate her birthday on Friday - and every birthday that comes as she grows. And I cannot wait to play hide-and-go-seek.